The Spark that Lit my Fire

I find that the exact moment we find ourselves in a place of sadness and despair is also the same moment that we forgot to realize the many blessings we have surrounding us.

I have been questioning something in my life and to make a decision about this thing would be life altering. Instead of quietly asking questions and praying to God for answers I've been obsessing about this thing and begging God to show me direction and answers to this possible huge change in my life. I'm not talking about polite begging, rather pleading in desperation as if my life depended on it. I know...classy right? I'm sure God got a chuckle out of it.

In my desperate attempts to find answers I found myself in this place of self-created isolation. I realized that instead of allowing help from others I insist upon finding the solutions myself, putting unnecessary and unhealthy stress on myself. I needed to realize, which I now do thanks to an amazing man (thank you by the way), that it is ok to have to depend on people. It's only human that that necessity occurs.

I simply find myself in a place where I need to be stretched and formed into something bigger than what I am. I want to be aware of a bigger purpose. And I want to be involved in something greater I've ever experienced. In fact I need that in my life right now. It is one of my greatest hearts desires.

Instead of being down and depressed about the minuscule things in life I think we all need to realize there are so many bigger pictures. There are books full of bigger pictures and we have the opportunity to decide which one we wish to be a part of. We are all uniquely blessed with talents to form these pictures that make our worlds expand and become beautiful and in doing so we not only affect ourselves but we have the opportunity to bring something wonderful to the people around us.

I think realizing that each one of us is infinitely blessed is a good first step into finding our bigger pictures...

I choose to count my blessings.

Forgive and Forget?

Real Talk. I am awesome at holding grudges.  If there was an Olympic sport for grudge holding, I would win, hands down.  It may sound like I'm bragging but trust me I'm simply admitting a problem.

Biblically, there is a ton of advice regarding forgiveness.  I recently started a bible study at Hope and my group leaders encouraged us to live out Colossians 3:12-15 which just so happens to address forgiveness.  (Side note: coincidentally I had this verse hanging on my wall before they shared it with us...God thing? I think so)

 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful."

There you have it, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone."  Pretty self explanatory, basically Paul is putting it out there and is sayin "get over it people, move on because everyone makes mistakes." THEN he adds shortly later "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Paul is like "hahahahaha even though you can't stand them and really don't want to forgive them you are commanded to love them."

My problem is forgiveness isn't easy, and no I don't want to forgive you (broad application) to be honest.  I've come to a point in my life and I've realized I don't have to live with people's bullshit.  I will tolerate it for a little bit because everyone has a little here and there but when it gets excessive I shut down and block that person out of my life because it is easy.  So is ignoring people and treating them like crap but that's not really fair.  I just need to find that fine line between shutting someone out to prevent excessive pain and toughing it out and enduring emotional damage.

I Want to Talk About Me, Wanna Talk About I...

This past week was amazing for me, classes started, I was reunited with my wonderful Hope friends, the weather was delightfully warm, and I even made it to the beach.  I would have to say the best part of my week was not tanning in the warm sun, eating breakfast on the front steps of my house, or even seeing all my friends (which for the record is amazing) but rather a memorable personal moment that stemmed from a small thought and turned into a mind blowing realization.
You see, this past week I realized that my life did not revolve around pleasing other people, but rather doing things for myself.  My whole life I've felt this pressure to do good academically and athletically for my parents sake as well as others around me, and thus far I've tried pretty damn hard to do the best I can and have succeeded as a result, but I never felt personally rewarded for the effort I put into my life.  I believe this realization is going definitely change that feeling and help me sow into my own life and completely change how I see things.  I can do well in class not to just keep the scholarship I have but rather to, in a very effective and hands-on way, sow into my own personal future and the goals I have for my life.  I can go for a run or workout not to appear a certain way for people but rather to improve the overall health of my own body.  I can maintain a gluten-free, sugar-free, and dairy-free diet not to lose weight to be a size society says I should be but because eating that way makes me feel good from the inside out.  And all of these things are ok, I am allowed to do things for me because some things in life need to be for me.  I don't think it's easy as it sounds though. I know I had to find a passion for life and a very very dear friend of mine helped me find it through his constant reminders of how special God thinks I am.  (By the way, thank you friend. You are amazing and I love you so much.)

Let's face it, God thinks we are pretty amazing and would love to see us all personally advance in different aspects of our lives due to experiences we have and the things we do.  So, my question for you is, are you doing things in your life, that don't benefit you emotionally, academically, physically, or spiritually for others, or are you making choices for you? 

I'm Leavin It All, Back In ...

A year and 4 days ago my world completely changed.  I became a new person and made a decision to let go of somethings in my life.  I have realized even a year later that there are things that aren't so easy to let go of.  Some of these things include anger, hatred, and bitterness.  You see I know I am a much better person by choosing to let go and I am happy and doing wonderful things with my life.  I've realized I only let go with my mind though.  I let go of things that happened but I never let go of the pain and instead I stuffed it causing bitterness.  So today as new beginnings are being made I am going to make my own fresh start.  Today I accept the fact that some things will never change, some apologies are never received, some things can't be controlled, and I don't always get what I want.  I, Ariel Edsall, let go with my heart and mind.

"I’m leavin all the things you did
The I love yous, you never said
Lookin' back I wont have much to miss
Like all those empty promises
And all those lies that you fed me
That left this bitter taste here on my lips
I’m leavin it all, back in ..."
- Bomshel

This Past Decade

Today, well technically yesterday by like an hour, I turned 20.  I have 2 decades under my belt and that is mind blowing. Today I found a picture of me from my 10th birthday and I almost got emotional just thinking about all the things I've done and said and experienced and accomplished and felt and seen in the last 10 years and how I look pretty much the same on the outside but so much has changed on the inside both good and bad.  I've decided the picture is necessary to share so here it is.

It's me, just mini sized.  This is honestly my favorite picture of me from my whole life and I can't help but compare it to my 20 year old self.  I see so many differences between me now and then.  There is a youthfulness and innocence in my eyes in this picture and I feel like I've lost a little bit of that.  There have been bodily changes.  There are highchairs in the background that have since been replaced with additional adult chairs around the table.  There's a different house in which to celebrate birthday number 20 from number 10.  There are many more candles this year.  There is worry on my face at times these days.  There are so many more responsibilities now.  There are so many more experiences and stories to tell now that I've had 10 more years to live. 

Despite the differences, I've recognized many similarities that me and my 10 year old self share.  There's a joy in my eyes and a contagious smile.  There is an absolute love of life.  There are insecurities that keep me humble.  There are big green eyes that see everything.  There's a birthmark on my face that my whole life has been mistaken for chocolate or a tear drop tattoo or even a drop of blood that I love none the less.  There's a desire to be loved.  There are habits patterned to this very day.  There is a love of chocolate.  There's a family who loves me so much.

It's me. It is all me, and I pray I am blessed with another day to live this beautiful life.



What if Cosmo is Right?

Conviction: "The state of being convicted."

Convict: "To impress with a sense of guilt."

(thanks dictionary.com)

It's that moment where your heart drops a little bit and you feel a need to hang your head a little lower. In that moment one feels true conviction.  Whether it be something you said, did, or thought conviction is always the same.  But what happens when you get numb from the feeling of true conviction?  I mean you still feel bad kind of but there is no inner pain so to speak for your actions.  Is it just temporary?  A delayed reaction maybe?  One day in a month when you are driving down the road will you get hit with such sense of conviction that you're overwhelmed with emotion and tears?  Is it normal?  Just because Cosmo says it's ok does it really make it ok?  Does this make you a "bad person"?  What is a "bad person"?

What if it's what you need for the time being?  What if no one knows?  What if it helps you through the day and puts a little extra sway in your hips?  What if something so terribly wrong is in fact right?

I guess that is for you and I to figure out on our own.

I Know That I've Got Issues, But You're Pretty Messed Up Too.

Ok, it is time to write again.

This past month has had both incredible triumphs and incredible defeats.  Well to be completely honest it was mostly defeats.  It was one of those months where your life goes spinning out of control and you wind up in your moms arms bawling because you hate everything.

Now that you are probably beyond depressed from reading my sob story I am going to explain myself.  This past month I learned quite a lot about myself.  Top three being:

1. I absolutely suck at dealing with emotional stress.
2. I am horrible at guarding my heart.
3. I fall for all the wrong guys.

Through my hell month I was also seemingly constantly bombarded with judgement about my issues and problems from people who really didn't have a place to judge me.  Whether it be an ex, a "friend", or a father.  If you want to get biblical here (which I do) there are a whole slew of verses pertaining to judgement.
(this is about to get fantastic.)
1. First up John 8:7

"When they kept on questioning him,

he straightened up and said to them,

“Let any one of you who is without sin

be the first to throw a stone at her.”

(the words of Jesus)

This was Jesus' response when "The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery" (John 8:3a) and then proceeded to ask if they could stone her to death. Ok people she was CAUGHT IN ADULTERY standing in front of the Lord most likely BUTT NAKED and Jesus says to the teachers of the law and Pharisees (yes this is my paraphrasing) "I see your sins just the same as her sins and you are no better than she so therefore if you have no sins you can stone her to death."

So let's recap here people who love to judge other people, you're just as sinful as those you judge.

2. Matthew 7:1-2, 5

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you...You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

First of all I must say I absolutely love this verse.  I know I am not perfect and this post may be somewhat hypocritical as I may come across as me judging people for judging me.  Please hear me out when I say that isn't my intention.  Anyways when I hear this verse I think of Kelly Clarkson when she says "I know that I've got issues but you're pretty messed up too."  I know some might say look at the lyrics in context with the song but I'm really not concerned with the whole song right now.  Just those lyrics are genius, simply genius. Looks to be time for another recap soooo...

Before you become so concerned with my sins and issues please take a look at yourself first.

3. Romans 2:1-3

"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?"

LOVE THIS particularly where it says "So when you, a mere human being, pass judgement on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment."  This is oh so perfect because a vast majority of the people who were and are judging me for the poor choices I've made this past month are people who have done or are doing the very same things I did. Again let us recap...

Don't judge others for something you have done or are still doing.

I'm not perfect and I mess up BAD.  I guess what I am trying to say here is the choices I made this past month were not wise or good or healthy and I admit they are wrong and now it is up to me to deal with God.  Also if I someone tells me I am a bad person or calls me another nasty name anytime soon I will come unglued.

Pretty Pretty Please

I've been lacking inspiration and I apologize for not blogging in a while.  This past weekend was amazing for me except for a minor yucky moment of being broken up with.  Seriously everything is ok and I am ok and this weekend really was awesome :).  It was just completely out of the blue however, he is entitled to his opinions.  Anyways they say time heals the heart.

This whole breakup though has inspired me. Weird right? I chatted to a wonderful friend I have for a majority of the day today and him and I were sharing heartache and how people tend to make promises they won't keep or say things they don't mean.  It reminded me of  a verse I remember being pounded into my head back during my Lutheran school girl days:

"All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

Matthew 5:37

This verse becomes even more amazing when you expand it and look at the context:

"Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black.  All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one"

Matthew 5: 33-37

People, don't make promises.  Don't flatter someone when it's not from the heart.  Don't attempt to plan a future when you don't have your whole heart in it.  And please please please don't tell a girl you can see yourself marrying her ever unless you are proposing.

Today is short and sweet and I'm just laying my heart out there.

lots of love from Ariel

Postive Affirmation and Following Your Heart

Just so everyone knows this blog post was inspired after reading a fair amount of feminist literature as well as a little bit of LGBT literature, however this post is going to focus more on feminism and women's rights than lesbian and gay culture as I feel I do not yet have enough knowledge to adequately write on LGBT culture.  I just want to say before anyone gets all crazy on me that I am entitled to my opinions.  If yours are different great but don't shove them in my face unless you want to discuss them like a human being.  I am a Christian and I have morals accordingly however I believe I am entitled to live my life one way and someone else has just as much of a right to live theirs the complete opposite and it doesn't mean I have to agree with it.
And so it begins...
Just the other day I was watching TV with my friend and his family it was the season premiere of Expedition Impossible and my friend kept commenting negatively on the different people in the show.  One guy was blind and I heard how retarded it was for him to be participating in this show.  Then I heard about how stupid it was for a grandpa to try to do the show.  There was a group of women from the Bronx, NY on the show called Latino Persuasion I think and he just ranted about how they needed to stop bitching and it wasn't practical for them to wear skirts and he just went on an on.  He finally hit my last straw when one of the members of the group called Country Boys was having a very hard time in the sun and the sand trekking across the Sahara Dessert.  This member just decided to sit down for about 10 minutes, and he also happened to be African American.  Well my friend found it appropriate to comment on and on and even had the audacity to say he should be used to the heat.  I played dumb and said why?  He replied well you know.  Again playing dumb I said no what could you possibly mean? He responds cotton fields.  I was horrified.  Simply horrified.

When did it become ok to judge someone based on skin color, race, religion, age, and sex?  I will be the first to admit I am guilty of doing it but today I am making a conscious decision to watch the things I say, do, and think.  I am challenging you to do it as well.  How many in your life have you been hurt by someone who made a comment that offended you.  I know for me it has been countless.  Whether it's cat calls that cross lines or even hearing from my younger siblings in the 5th grade that they bullies at their school that harass them on a daily basis. It is RIDICULOUS.  5TH GRADE PEOPLE!! 

I spent probably an hour last night on a website called microaggressions.com.  I highly recommend reading through it. Like seriously it just makes you think about how your words can make people feel.

Now to address the whole feminist spirit that has completely caught hold of me.  My passion regarding women and how they deserve to be treated has increased tenfold.  There is a tendency for our culture to blame rape on a woman rather than the man who raped her.  Because you know ladies if you are looking good and showing off cleavage or leg and wearing high heels you're just asking for it.  Heaven forbid that is crap.  Also I understand men are visual creatures and that is fine it's how God made them but for some of them to expect women to look beautiful in their standards at all times by making them lose weight or wear makeup or wear certain clothes or act a certain way. LADIES hear me here be yourself no matter what you do.

If you don't want to get married DON'T GET MARRIED.
If you want to be Catholic BE CATHOLIC.
If you want to dress risque DO IT.
If you want a boob job GET ONE.
If you are a lesbian OWN IT.  
If you don't like makeup DON'T WEAR IT.
If you want to shave your head bald DO IT! (and I'll be jealous I've always wanted to try it)
If you want to join a nudist colony GO FOR IT.
If you want to drop out of college and follow your heart by all means DO IT.
If your man doesn't meet most of your requirements DUMP HIS ASS.

*sigh* What I'm saying here is don't look for the world to affirm your decisions in life.  Look inside of you and do what matters to you.  I believe this will be a step to true happiness. 

And ladies never ever ever ever let someone talk down to you because you have breasts and a vagina.  I know I have mine but I also know I was blessed with a brain and just because my breasts are pushed up to perfection there is no reason for my intelligence to be negated.  I hope my female readers feel the same way.

Life is about choices. I choose to be positive.

Today has been a day of strong opinions. Today has been a day of being self centered. Today has been a day of thoughts. Today has been a day full of prayer. Today has been a day of tears. Today has been a day of laughter.

I've barely been able to contain all my emotion but I've realized one thing today: I am undeniably blessed.

- I have amazing parents who have been married for 20 years.

- I have a supportive family.

- I have a boyfriend who cares about me immensely.

- I have a job, two in fact.

- I have a family member who is in a place to be able to financially support me through college.

- I have the ability to walk.

- I have the ability smell the fragrance of a blooming flower.

- I have the ability to feel pain.

- I have a car.

- I have friends who are always there for me.

- I have a house to live in supplied with running water and electricity.

- I have a closet full of clothing, half of which I never wear.

- I have the time to divulge in a good book.

- I have the talent to sew a garment.

- I have a vivid imagination.

- I have more pillows that humanly necessary.

- I have the ability to go to a doctor when I am sick.

- I have 10 adorable cats, 9 of which love me dearly.

- I have access to music.

- I have overcome many things in my life.

However, more times than not I choose to dwell on negative things such as:

- I have amazing parents who have been married for 20 years but they have had some major struggles and mountains to climb.

- I have a supportive family but they tend to annoy the heck out of me.

- I have a boyfriend who cares about me immensely but what if he breaks my heart?

- I have a job, two in fact but I wish I made more money.

- I have a family member who is in a place to be able to financially support me through college but I hate school and doing homework.

- I have the ability to walk but what if I break something?

- I have the ability smell the fragrance of a blooming flower but my hometown smells more like cow poop.

- I have the ability to feel pain but it really hurts.

- I have a car but I want a better one.

- I have friends who are always there for me but what if they weren't?

- I have a house to live in supplied with running water and electricity but I am discontented.

- I have a closet full of clothing, half of which I never wear but I want to buy so many new things.

- I have the time to divulge in a good book but when do I?

- I have the talent to sew a garment but I think I am absolutely horrible at doing so.

- I have a vivid imagination but I rarely put it to good use.

- I have more pillows that humanly necessary but don't sleep perfectly on any of them.

- I have the ability to go to a doctor when I am sick but I rarely appreciate it.

- I have 10 adorable cats, 9 of which love me dearly but there is that one who is the devil's span.

- I have access to music but I hate most of the songs on the radio.

- I have overcome many things in my life but I have so far to go.

Frequently I find myself looking at my life and the things I have or am able to do in a negative way. This needs to change immediately, God did not give me this amazing life for me to wallow around in worries or pain or stress. God gives all of us the ability to life freely in him so why in the hell do we choose not to? Exactly. There is no logical reason.  Just give your crap to God, all your issues and worries, he wants it and he loves to take care of it for you.  Don't just believe it, dive in amd experience it.  Love it, love him, enjoy him, press into him, and let him be the lover of your heart.  Basically I just shared with you everthing I need to tell myself.  It's ok though, realizing you have issues is the first step to healing.  Heal me Lord and assist me in my choice to look at this amazing thing called life in a positive way.

I am a woman. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am human.

Warning: this may or may not turn into a feminist rant.

Tuesday I woke up at 4 am so I could be to work by 5:30 am in full makeup and looking fabulous. Once my shift was done I shopped at the Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale and bought 6 makeup items consisting of a bronzer for less than $3 as well as 5 eye shadows for $1.75! Amazing deals much?! After shopping I came home took a lovely nap woke up and spent some time online looking at random things and I came across a post on dearblankpleaseblank.com that read:

"Dear girls,

Makeup companies play on your insecurities. If you accepted yourself as being beautiful they would be out of business.

Sincerely, a logical girl."

This post got me thinking about different women's opinions and how I honestly feel about "logical girl" right now and I wanted to address a few things.

Dear logical girl,
Please let it be known that I do not wear makeup because I am insecure or because I feel ugly without it. I wear it because I feel fabulous when I have it on, I wear it because it can enhance certain features, and I wear it because quite frankly I am good at doing it. Give me the opportunity to do your makeup and I can nearly guarantee you will understand my opinion. I feel as though I am speaking on behalf of many women here.

Sincerely, supporter of the makeup industry

Now for my feminist side to come out...

I am all for feminism and feel women should not be confined to what society says they need to be. Feel free to tell any guy who tells you to "make a sammich dammit and get into the bedroom." any variety of swear words and heaven knows if any guy says that to me he would get smacked. To sum up my personal views on feminism and who I think I am as a woman I made a couple lists.

Here is how I feel:

I am a woman.

I am entitled to be fabulous.

I am no one’s property.

I will NEVER be anyone’s property.

I demand respect.

I have a voice that deserves to be heard.

I am intelligent.

I am opinionated and that is ok.

However at the same time I also feel:

I am weak.

I love to feel loved.

There are days I can't open the jar of pickles by myself.

I say stupid things at times.

Sometimes what I really need is a hug.

I think it is ok to admit those things though. I am a woman and I am strong but I am also weak like the rest of humanity and that is ok.

I guess the intention of this post was to speak my mind to "logical girl" and it kind of turned into girl pride which is ok. I want to leave the women with these two thoughts though:

1) Please, please, please don't wear makeup because you think you need it. You are truly beautiful without it on.

2) You are a woman. You are strong. You are beautiful. However, you are also human and that is ok.

     

Roll Me a Joint of Jesus Please

Lately I have been finding myself in an exceptionally good mood and it's not drug or liquor induced. It's just raw joy I have bubbling up in my heart. I decided to look up verses about joy and was able to find one I think really pertained to what I am feeling. It comes from Psalm:

"You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:11

What this says to me is we can find permanent joy in God, the father who created us. Drinking in excess, drugs, and other risky behaviors can have a joyous effect too. Some can even put you in a whole nother reality. But when it comes down to it there is no permanent escape. A person has to drink more, smoke more, get high more often or consume higher doses of narcotics. But Christ can be our drug, he's an addiction that has no harmful effects. The more we "consume" him the clearer our path of life is and the more joyous we become, it's just looking at Pslam 16 in a slightly different way. David, the writer of The Psalms, also says "At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." When we humble ourselves and connect with Christ's heart he lifts us up to a place that is untouchable and full of blessings and love. Amazing peace and joy and purpose floods forth from that place. Just press into him. He is always there waiting.
Now I'm not saying I'm there and I'm not saying I'm perfect but I feel like I've made oodles of progress in my life over the last few months and I'm at a place where I can say I'm joyful again about my life, my purpose in it, and my future and for that I am eternally thankful.  Blessings to you all.

Luke 2:12

Every Christian I have ever met struggles with at least one thing spiritually and mine is accepting forgiveness from God.  I have the hardest time realizing that God loves me so unconditionally that he will just wipe the slate clean every time I ask for forgiveness.  God decided to show me that his love is incomparable and that my sins are always forgiven.

About a month ago I finished the book of Proverbs, which I loved, and I was praying trying to seek wisdom on what book of the Bible I should read next and I kept hearing in my spirit to read Luke 2.  I brushed it off the first couple times I heard it because I honestly didn't think it was going to be all that interesting and I was fairly certain I knew what it was about.  After a couple more days of having Luke 2 on my heart I decided to take a peek at what it was and I was right, I knew exactly what it was about, the birth of Jesus.  Knowing I had learned about the birth of Jesus at least 20 times in my life I decided not to read it.  A few days later I was texting one of my best friends and I asked him to pick a random book, chapter, and verse for me to read.  He replied Luke 2:12.  Knowing he had no idea that the Lord had put Luke 2 on my heart to read I was very excited to see what this verse was going to be. I looked it up and it read as follows in the NKJV:
"And this will be a sign to you:  You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger."

This verse touched me and I remember crying upon reading it.  Everything just clicked for me.  Jesus in the manger is the ultimate symbol of love and forgiveness.  God sent his only son to the earth out of love to die and pay the price for all sins.  God really cared enough for me to remember this so he gave me a verse with a clear declaration, "And this will be a sign to you, [Ariel]."  He reminded me that my sins are forgiven and that he loves me so much he sent his own son to die for me, just like he did for you.

1 in 2 Million

Sometimes in life I find myself questioning my place as well as if I'm really meant to be here to do something great.  This always helps remind me that I have a purpose.

I had an Anatomy class this past semester at Hope College and it helped me to realize just how precious and unique I really am.  It was the last couple weeks of class and we started learning the male and female reproductive systems.  I had learned them before it was just much more detail than I had ever experienced.  At first I was nervous and weirded out but I realized through it all some amazing things and I've decided to share them.  An oocyte, which is the female sex cell, is the largest cell in the human body while sperm, the male sex cell, is the smallest cell in the human body.  The average male ejaculate contains 2 million sperm.  Why am I throwing random facts around?  Well let's see here.  This means that God picked YOU instead of 1,999,999 other sperm that could have gone onto be completely different people.  This all happened before your parents even met!  Once they decided to try for a baby you were created from 2 cells, 2 CELLS.  Did you get that? 2 CELLS!!!  The amazing and complex body you now have was created from 2 cells that happened to be the largest and the smallest cell in the human body.  If that doesn't blow your mind I don't know what will.

The thing is God knew you before your parents had the thought cross their mind to conceive you.  He handpicked you out of 2 million. He put you here on this earth for a reason.  There a great purpose for you and your life is not for naught.  There is something in your spirit that waiting to be stirred and once that is found and stirred amazing things will happen.  Get stirring.

Give it to God

Today was an interesting day for me; however, God taught me a lesson through the crap.  I am loved and for some crazy unbelievable and amazing reason God loves me with all my baggage. He loves it when I am just like "Lord I give up, I can't do this without you and I want to be relieved from stress and anger and everything else by giving you all my problems."  When this happens he gets overjoyed.  He is excited to receive my "junk."  I am fairly certain no one on the entire planet would love to receive my problems on a daily basis.  How very blessed we are to have someone we can take every single problem to. That is incomprehensible every single problem, EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM.  *sigh* Thank you Jesus.

Next time you have a day you don't think you'll survive.  Lift your hands in respect and worship of the Lord and give it all to him.  He wants to hear it, I promise.