Forgive and Forget?

Real Talk. I am awesome at holding grudges.  If there was an Olympic sport for grudge holding, I would win, hands down.  It may sound like I'm bragging but trust me I'm simply admitting a problem.

Biblically, there is a ton of advice regarding forgiveness.  I recently started a bible study at Hope and my group leaders encouraged us to live out Colossians 3:12-15 which just so happens to address forgiveness.  (Side note: coincidentally I had this verse hanging on my wall before they shared it with us...God thing? I think so)

 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful."

There you have it, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone."  Pretty self explanatory, basically Paul is putting it out there and is sayin "get over it people, move on because everyone makes mistakes." THEN he adds shortly later "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Paul is like "hahahahaha even though you can't stand them and really don't want to forgive them you are commanded to love them."

My problem is forgiveness isn't easy, and no I don't want to forgive you (broad application) to be honest.  I've come to a point in my life and I've realized I don't have to live with people's bullshit.  I will tolerate it for a little bit because everyone has a little here and there but when it gets excessive I shut down and block that person out of my life because it is easy.  So is ignoring people and treating them like crap but that's not really fair.  I just need to find that fine line between shutting someone out to prevent excessive pain and toughing it out and enduring emotional damage.

I Want to Talk About Me, Wanna Talk About I...

This past week was amazing for me, classes started, I was reunited with my wonderful Hope friends, the weather was delightfully warm, and I even made it to the beach.  I would have to say the best part of my week was not tanning in the warm sun, eating breakfast on the front steps of my house, or even seeing all my friends (which for the record is amazing) but rather a memorable personal moment that stemmed from a small thought and turned into a mind blowing realization.
You see, this past week I realized that my life did not revolve around pleasing other people, but rather doing things for myself.  My whole life I've felt this pressure to do good academically and athletically for my parents sake as well as others around me, and thus far I've tried pretty damn hard to do the best I can and have succeeded as a result, but I never felt personally rewarded for the effort I put into my life.  I believe this realization is going definitely change that feeling and help me sow into my own life and completely change how I see things.  I can do well in class not to just keep the scholarship I have but rather to, in a very effective and hands-on way, sow into my own personal future and the goals I have for my life.  I can go for a run or workout not to appear a certain way for people but rather to improve the overall health of my own body.  I can maintain a gluten-free, sugar-free, and dairy-free diet not to lose weight to be a size society says I should be but because eating that way makes me feel good from the inside out.  And all of these things are ok, I am allowed to do things for me because some things in life need to be for me.  I don't think it's easy as it sounds though. I know I had to find a passion for life and a very very dear friend of mine helped me find it through his constant reminders of how special God thinks I am.  (By the way, thank you friend. You are amazing and I love you so much.)

Let's face it, God thinks we are pretty amazing and would love to see us all personally advance in different aspects of our lives due to experiences we have and the things we do.  So, my question for you is, are you doing things in your life, that don't benefit you emotionally, academically, physically, or spiritually for others, or are you making choices for you?